The Nightmare Before Pretty: Day Six, An Ugly Birthday Party

Day Six

Welcome back! Once more, my name is Tiger. Here we are at the grand hospital, waiting for Cassidy to return with baby in hand. BABY IN HAND! Last time, Dario beat Bruce in a game of chess and naturally Cassidy went into labour - so did random neighbour woman. Let's jump right in. 

Cassidy: Birthing babies sucks. 

GREEN BABY! Yay! She had a green baby. I am so so happy. Thank the heavens she had a green bean.

Cassidy: Can I maybe not give birth ever again? 

Uh, maybe. Maybe not.  

Hold up. 

Cassidy: Wait, did something happen? 

The baby is not green. Code Green. The baby is not green. WHAT DID YOU DO, CASSIDY? What did you do? 

Dario: Wait for me, Cassidy. Wait up.   

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 . 

Back at home, Dario falls fast asleep once his head hits the pillow. Meanwhile, Cassidy cares for her non-green baby - ugh. Why'd it have to be a non-green baby? All I wanted was a green baby-

Dario: Can you shush please? 

Ugh. Fine, I'll go talk to Cassidy. 

Cassidy: Goodnight, my little munchkin. 

Aww, she's precious even though she isn't green. So cute. 

Cassidy: Isn't she? While I hated the whole painful giving birth thing, she is totally worth it. Time for sleep, child. 

One day she will hear me too. I can't wait.  

Cassidy: I just hope she is as adorable as she seems. 

I'd rather not an ugly baby. 

She'll be quite adorable, judging by your genes. Anyway, did you happen to decide on a name for her? Not Daria, I hope. 

Cassidy: No, no. Of course not. Meet Earthsong.   

I love it. Goodnight Cassidy and Dario. No, sorry, it's actually quite early in the morning of Day Six, so not goodnight. More like...oh, just sleep well. Please. 
Cassidy: Sleep well, Dario. 
Dario: Sleep well, my green bean.

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Good morning! Look at that awkward, creepy and out-of-place hand from little baby Earthsong. I mean, I wish it was green-

Cassidy: Curse my husband for not being green too, right? 

So true. I just wanted a baby green bean. Too hard to ask. 

Cassidy: How is my munchkin this morning? Hey, morning.   

Very special day today. 

Cassidy: It is. Happy birthday, my little munchkin. 

Time to finally see if she's ugly or not. 

That's quite important. Whenever you're ready, we are ready to finally find out. Maybe she's a morphing baby, changing skin with age? 

Cassidy: Somehow I doubt that.   

Three birthday cakes today. Very exciting stuff. 

Well, who shall be first today? 

Dario: I'd rather not. 

Sounds perfect, you can go later. 

Dario: Look, here comes Cassidy with the baby. Age them first!   

Okay, here we go...the moment has arrived for baby green bean to age! I mean, she's not even green. How upsetting. 

Cassidy: Happy birthday to you...

Happy birthday to you...

Cassidy: Happy birthday dear Earthsong...

Happy birthday to you! 

Cassidy: Yay! Little baby Earthsong! 

Can you perhaps...move your child forward a little bit? She's just...you know, awkwardly positioned in relation to your body. Just a little forward.

Cassidy: Pardon? I don't...don't see any issue.   

May I present....Earthsong! Quite cute, I must admit. You can't really tell right now, and those clothes aren't that adorable, but she is cute. Thank goodness. 

Earthsong: *nonsense baby chatter* 

Cassidy: She's so adorable! 

Yes. Yes she is.

How adorable. Someone pick up the small child and feed her or something. Please. Toddlers are quite adorable, aren't they? 

Cassidy: I haven't quite warmed to hearing your voice talking about my baby, but I do agree. 

One birthday down. Two more to go. 

Who will be next? Oh, I'm sorry that sounded like murder. 

Quick update: Cassidy is looking quite adorable post-pregnancy with her new hairstyle and all. Looks like a true green-bean alien. 

Cassidy: Is that a compliment, voice in the sky? 

Of course. Aliens are mysterious and out of this world, and green beans are...awesome? 

Cassidy: Beans are nice.   

Here she is! Little Earthsong, all non-green and adorable. Nearly said 'non-adorable' just then. She is definitely not 'non-adorable'. 

Cassidy: Earthsong! Oh...I don't know how I feel about yelling my maiden name out loud. It's weird. 

You'll get used to it, I suppose. One day you will.  

Cassidy: Can you say...green bean? 

A bit adventurous, are we? Two words off the bat. She looks so confused. 

Cassidy: How about...green then? G-R-E-E-N. Green.

Can you say 'green' for me? 

Cassidy: *nonsense baby chatter*  

Cassidy: Grrrrr-eeeee-nnnn. 

She aged up maybe half an hour ago, give her some time to adjust and to learn. I know you would like for your child to be advanced at age one but you can't expect her to be a genius after blowing out candles. 

Cassidy: I thought I bought the candles of a genius! Hehe, kidding. 

Look at her adorable face!  

Look at her adorable face! 

Cassidy: You just said that. 

I'm not lying. 

Cassidy: Don't tell Dario this, but I was fearing our baby would turn out...like him. You know, not adorable. I feared she would be...ugly.   

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 . 

About half an hour later, it's this one's time to age up! We're at adulthood already, Dario. You're nearing your death, pal. 
Dario: Am not.
Well, technically you are. Maybe not for another...however many days...but you are closer than yesterday. See? Math logic!
Dario: Don't talk to me about math, voice.   

I'm ignoring the fact you just called me 'voice', or I'll accept it as a compliment instead. Thanks, old bean. 

Dario: Shush! I'm excited to age up! 

Oh, sorry...happy birthday to you, hap-

Dario: Hehe, time to blow out the candles!  

Meanwhile...toddler's first bottle as a toddler! Hooray! 

Cassidy: I think this calls for a celebration. Why couldn't we invite people over today, anyway? 

I...I may have forgotten. 

Cassidy: Look at how frustrated my baby looks at the empty house today! 

She's...she's perfectly fine, drinking her bottle... 

Now you're in the kitchen. Just abandon your child, why don't you? 

Cassidy: Shush. *she shakes her head* WOO! GO DARIO! 

How hard can aging up be if people need to cheer you on?

Cassidy: Sometime spinning around is tough. You wouldn't know. 

No. I face what we in the real world know as realistic aging.  

Cassidy: Did you just...I can't believe it. 

Dario: I know baby! My hair looks hideous, doesn't it? I swear I could feel it shed from my scalp with every little sparkle. 

Cassidy: *she notices her husband* OH MY LORD! You're already going bald. 

Dario: Don't I look handsome. 

Not quite the word I would use. After all, you are the founder of a challenge to become pretty.

Dario: Oh, so am I pretty? *he winks awkwardly* 

You are the definition of a nightmare, my friend. 

Dario: Harsh.  

It's a family of open-mouthed smilers. Smilers? That isn't a word.

Their smiles are open-mouthed? Sure. 

Cassidy: Baby Earthsong! 

That's adorable. I love it so much. 

Earthsong: *nonsense baby chatter*  

Cassidy: Come here, you.    

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 . 

Another half an hour later, it's the final birthday call. We'll be departing from Birthday Station in half an hour; this is your final boarding call. 

Dario: *blows party horn* Happy birthday! 

Birthdays lose all meaning when you celebrate three in one day. 

Cassidy: Shush, it's my turn to make a wish! 

Who didn't clean up after they ate one whole pint of ice-cream? 

Cassidy: It wasn't me. Nope. I don't even eat ice-cream. Can you explain what ice-cream is again? 

 Be glad I don't have security footage of the culprit. Whoever it was, it happened after the birth of green bean baby. 

Cassidy: Hmm...perhaps it was her indeed?  

Yes, a newborn with a urge for pints of ice-cream. 

Cassidy: I mean, this is the fake world after all. 

Hey! That is uncalled for and I already apologized for calling my world the real world. 

Cassidy: I don't believe you did. Now, let me wish for a pet pony or something. 

Don't have Pets anymore, I'm afraid. 

Cassidy: That is truly unfortunate. 

I know right!

Cassidy: Well, what's the next best thing? Can we have pet chickens? 

Ooh, I can arrange that. Why'd you have to tell me your wish?  

Cassidy: *swings celebration spinner* Happy birthday me!

Dario: Happy birthday, my wife. Can you believe I've only lived here for six days? 

Cassidy: Oh my! That is rather sad, I would've thought it's been longer. 

 Dario: I feel a mid-life crisis coming on.

Cassidy: *clap* Yay me! 

I never noticed how bland your backyard is. Not a speck of furniture for miles. 

Dario: We are poor. We do not have money for pool or pool house. 

I promise you, one day you'll have a pool house. Maybe not in your lifetime but- 

Dario: WE'LL HAVE A POOL HOUSE- Oh, she's sparkling now! 

Cassidy: I never noticed how tingling this feels. Feels like pins and needles, but...happier? Nicer? 

 Dario: Join me on the old side! We have ice-cream! 

You're only an adult. Not an elder yet, pal. 

The happy couple celebrate adulthood. 

Dario: Love ya, my green bean. 

Cassidy: Love you too, my ugly nightmare of a husband. 

Dario: Hey! That's not very nice. 

Cassidy: Would you prefer I lie to you? Isn't that what destroys relationships?  

.

 . 

Meanwhile, bub enjoys the melodies of the xylophone, an instrument designed to both sound and look appealing. She's loving it. 
Earthsong: *nonsense baby chatter*
So cute. Speaking of cute, just look at her clothes. So cute. That ribbon in her hair too. Too cute.  

Dario: What on earth is she doing now? 
You mean, playing the xylophone? 
Dario: No, no. She's stopped that now. She has...she has the the little thing, like the utensil for banging, in her hands...what? 
Little utensil for banging? Interesting.   
Dario: Don't judge me.  

Are you having fun, little one? Oh wait- she can't hear me yet, can she? 
Dario: I'm afraid she can't hear anyone. 
Are you suggesting your daughter is deaf, old man? Yeah, I called you old. And a man. 
Dario: Why are you being so rude? And no, my child is not deaf.   

Dario: She's adorable, that she is. 
She is adorable. Let's hope she doesn't grow into her father's looks. 
I'm sorry, but it is true. 
Dario: Why'd she have to change skin tones? Mine is ugly. 
More that just your skin tone, my friend.  

Soon, mama bean comes to chat with baby bean. 
Cassidy: Can you say...'bean'? Earthsong, can you say 'bean' for me? 
I'll sound it out. Bee-nnnn. Bean. 
Earthsong: *nonsense baby chatter*
Dario: Keep trying, love. She'll say it one day.  

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Where are we off to now, Dario? 
Dario: Can't you stay behind with my wife and child? I have...business.
Business? You seem awful shady for a chess player. What business does a chess player have? Secret chess board meetings? Hey, that was a nice pun. 
Dario: Fine. You can come. 
Yay! Thanks a bunch, old man.

So...what exactly are we doing in this taxicab? 
Dario: Uh, it seems I have some opportunity available at some location in the mountains. It randomly popped up for me - I don't know how. But here we are, heading to talk to some man about his dog or something. 
You need to go to the toilet, Dario? 
Dario: What? No.   

Ooh, who's this handsome shirtless man? 
Dario: Can you stop? I didn't come here to help you find love or whatever the hell you want. Can you let me do my job and then we'll head home, okay? 
Oh, sorry angry pants. It's your freaking birthday, lighten up. 
Speaking of lightening up-
Dario: I will stop you right there.   

All I was going to say was that it's quite sunny out here, nice thing that guy has a hat- wait, are you...talking to thin air? 
Dario: The voice in the sky complimented you. Said you're looking quite slim. 
Random Invisible Man: Oh, why thank you SimLord. 
Dario: Oh no, he's not the SimLord. He's merely a voice in my head. 

You happy you confused a random invisible person and denied the fact that I reign supreme over this town? 
Dario: Dario very happy! He did a thing! 
Now time to go home, I presume? I have a surprise birthday present for you. 
Dario: Ooh! Is it...oh my, is it a POOL HOUSE! 

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Cassidy: Here, let me help you speak. When I say the word, you mouth it for me. Can you do that, little green bean? 
Earthsong stares at her mother in utter disbelief. How could someone expect her to say such a thing at such an age? Little green bean, not even green herself, could not bear to say it. 
Cassidy: Hush you. No, not you my baby! 

Dario: Honey, I'm home!
Ooh, he's back from his voyage to speak with Invisible Man! He did good. 
Dario: Now, where's my birthday present? You promised-
Coming. It's coming. Or should I say...she's coming. 
Dario: Oh no...you didn't- 

Genevieve: I'm here to play chess. 
Dario: On my birthday, really. You are horrid. 
When you only have maybe twelve days left to live, a birthday does not give you a free holiday. Especially when you need to be a chess champion. 
Dario: *he grumbles* I don't need to be a chess champion.  

Oh yes, yes you do. 
Dario: Hello! My name is Dario, and you are? 
Genevieve: Wiping spit from my face. Hello, my name is Genevieve. 
I am spectacular at chess. Prepare to lose. 
Dario: I am too. Spectacular at chess, I mean.  

Dario: *whispering* This b...lady stole my chair. 
Be nice. She's seemingly pregnant and you wouldn't want to be rude to a pregnant lady, huh? Be nice. 
Dario: Okay...don't you just love my little home? 
Genevieve: It's...well, much smaller than my own. I suppose if you prefer this lifestyle, I cannot stop you.   

Dario: Okay...shall I destroy you in chess? 
Genevieve: Ah, well, I shall be destroying today. 
Dario: Hey, it's my birthday! I deserve to win! 
Dario! That's not being nice! Hey, I won't ever consider the pool house-
Dario: How dare you!  

Cassidy: Don't listen to daddy. He's angry because a woman is about to beat him in chess. *she tickles Earthsong* Please, say 'bean' for mummy on her birthday...
 Earthsong: *nonsense baby chatter*
Cassidy: Please, my baby bean, I believe in you! 
Baby bean! You can do this! We believe in you!  

Genevieve: Nice of you to flaunt your child around in front of us while we chess. 
Dario: Am I flaunting my child around and is it distracting you? Oh, I had not noticed. 
Cassidy, continue to flaunt the child around in front of this woman. 
Genevieve: The cute giggling is distracting me, yes.  

Dario: You see, it's her birthday today. She aged to the toddler stage today! 
So, won't you let her enjoy her new nursery? 
Genevieve: Why indeed are we playing chess in the nursery? 
Dario: If you would like to continue insulting our home, please leave. 
Genevieve: I apologize for insulting your poverty and this place... 

Genevieve: ...And I apologize for this. Checkmate. 
Dario: What? It cannot be...
Cassidy: Baby bean, say 'bean' for me...please? It's simple, I say it all the time. Ready...bee-n. Bean. 
Genevieve: I suppose I will bid you farewell...man. 

Dario: Uh uh uh. You did not win. You fail to see that you are not the superb chess queen, pregnant woman. 
Woo! You can still win this, Dario! Go on! 
Genevieve: Hmm...maybe I didn't win here, but I will win. 
Dario: No, no, no. I can still win. I am good.  

Genevieve: I should have won then. It shall be hard for you to make a decent comeback. But, sure, keep trying. 
Dario: When are you due for a child, lady? 
Genevieve: Focus on the chess, ugly man. I'd rather not beat someone who isn't focused. Too easy. 
Dario: I am focused, woman. 

Meanwhile, Cassidy's phone begins to ring, distracting her from her small bean to answer the call. Hmm...who indeed is it? 
Cassidy: I gave birth last night. I am in no mood to speak to someone about how 'amazing' technology is. Ask my husband. 
Hmm...interesting. 
Cassidy: Okay, well goodbye now. Remember, I am a mother now.  

Genevieve: Ooh, checkmate. This time it is real. 
Dario: WHAT? How...how could you? How could you do this to me? 
Genevieve: I promised my husband I would win. Marriage is about promises. 
Dario: You are...how could you beat me? 

Genevieve: I am the champion. I am the champion. 
We are the - oh no, sorry, we lost. 
Dario: We...we lost. This is...this is betrayal. I am...am distraught.
Genevieve: Settle your petal, ugly man. You may perhaps...lose less next time. 

Dario: I demand a rematch. 
Genevieve: Ugh. I hoped to leave this dingy of a home and settle in for dinner, but...fine. Rematch it is. I can beat you twice. 
Dario: I wouldn't be so sure of that, pregnant lady. 
Genevieve: I wouldn't be so sure you'll win. 

Dario: Prepare to go home crying to your little husband, lady. 
Genevieve: My husband is not little. He is quite tall, and quite handsome. 
Focus on the chess, Dario. You know how to play the game. Focus on manipulating the game. 
Dario: I will...I will focus on the chess.  
Yes. Focus. I will distract her with adorable baby.  

Adorable baby! Where did you mama bean go? 
Adorable baby? Oh...she can't hear me. Well that's disappointing. 
Cassidy: Is baby bean tired? Mama's here, is it time for bed? 
 Earthsong: *nonsense baby chatter*
Cassidy: Okay, bub, time for bed. You promise to say 'bean' in the morning, won't you? Promise?  

Dario: BOOYAH! I win!
Genevieve: Ugh, how the hell did that happen? The stupid man won - how? 
Dario: I was focused, and I am spectacular at chess! I beat you, pregnant lady! 
Genevieve: I won the first time! This match is naught - it doesn't matter. 
Dario: It matters to me. 

Meanwhile, mere steps from the chess table, Cassidy is readying her baby bean for bedtime. It's the end of the day for baby Earthsong. 
Cassidy: Goodnight, bub. I'll see you in the morning, well-rested and bubbly. 
And eager to say the key word 'bean'. 
Cassidy: You are adorable, yes you are. Night night. 

Genevieve: Well, what a mess of a night it has become. I best be glad I won that first match, or else I'd be shamed for ever stepping foot in this hovel you call home. 
Dario: It was a pleasure defeating you, Genevieve. 
Genevieve: Well, I defeated you first. So I am glad to have done so. 
Dario: I defeated you most recently, did I not? 

Genevieve: You have a...wonderful life, Dario. I hope our children meet in school and hate one another. 
Dario: That day could not come any sooner. Thank you again. For coming. 
Genevieve: I didn't have much of a choice. I needed to maintain my standing. 
Dario: Well, I need to advance. My life is short, you know. 

Night night, bub. Sleep tight. 
Cassidy: I'm off to bed myself, I think. I'll go and have a quick shower before I hit the pillow. 
Sounds like a wonderful plan. Good night to you too, Cassidy. 
Cassidy: Goodnight, voice in the sky. From both Earthsong and I. 
Goodnight.  

After Dario said goodbye to Genevieve Colby, it was time for him to eat dinner, relax, and head to bed. It has been quite the busy day for him and his family, celebrating three birthdays and all. 
 Dario: What's in store for tomorrow? You know? 
Nope. Tomorrow is a mystery. Just like today's events could not entirely be planned. 
Dario: But...it was indeed our birthdays. That was planned. 

It was indeed the birthdays of Dario, Cassidy and Earthsong. The happy family. Goodnight to you all. Tune in next time to see what unfolds for the family. Find out whether Cassidy embarks on a journey to find more friends, or whether Dario meets another worthy adversary in his quest with chess? Will Earthsong's first word be 'mama' or 'papa', and not 'bean' at all? 

 Until then, have a spectacular day. 

-Tiger