The Nightmare Before Pretty: Day Seven, An Ugly Man and his Little Bean

Day Seven

LOOK WHO IS BACK! Not these people, me, of course! Hello again, this is your Tiger speaking, please keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times - oh, we're not riding a roller coaster right now? I thought we were, because I'm seeing this weirdo in front of me right now. Freaking emotional roller coaster every time you see his face, yeah? No? Oh, okay. My apologies, Daria. 

Dario: Name is Dario, voice man. 

Yeah, I know, I'm teasing. 

Dario: Bubba is waking soon. Shushie.   

Little bean is a backstroke swimmer. 

Dario: Good morning, little Earthsong. 

Earthsong mumbles something, in baby gibberish. Almost sounds like..."Dadda is ugly", hehe. 

Dario: Dadda is not ugly...  

Whatever you say, pal. Need I remind you why I'm here. This is the Ugly to Pretty challenge, often called a Prettecy, or an Uglacy, or whatever you would like. We breed the ugly out of ya over the course of however many generations and one day, we hope you won't all look like someone has flattened your face with a steam roller. Ooh, that was a fun description. 

I don't hate you, Dario. I just...I look forward to the day your descendants are beautiful. I promise I'm a nice person. 

Dario: Wakey times! 

Earthsong: *nonsense baby chatter*

Aw, she's adorable. Thank to all those viewers who commented on her cuteness. [By all those viewers, I mean the small handful who are paying attention, because we aren't some mainstream form of media, we're just a little-known series of episode about ugly people becoming beautiful.] 

Dario: Wait...this is broadcast? 

 No?   

Dario: Where....where are the cameras....

There are none. Or, they are invisible, really - 

Dario: That doesn't make sense...

You don't make sense. Now...you'll forget this ever happened, and you'll continue your daily life, without fear of cameras...*snap*  

Dario: *he shakes his head* Oh, good morning, little Earthsong! How did you sleep [this past year] last night? 

Oh yeah, it's been a year since I've been here. Good lord. 

Dario: What did you say?  

I said...Good lord, she's so adorable! Shall today be daddy and his little daughter spending time together day?  

We can let Cassidy sleep. I mean, she's had like a year to sleep, but technically, the game was frozen, so it's not like time passed. She was frozen, in bed. I would kill for that right now. I would kill for time to be frozen for even just a week, as long as I could, you know, move. 

Dario: Ah 'em teaching my child to walk on her own two feet. You remember this moment in ya life, voice dude? 

Was quite some time ago, and I was very young, but it happened, because I can walk, as it is. I could easily walk away from you - 

Dario: No! Don't...don't do that...

Wouldn't dream of it.  

Dario: Come to papa, little one...

Earthsong: *nonsense baby chatter*

Dario: You can do it! 

Earthsong: *stares at papa, doesn't move*   

Dario: Walk to dadda! Come on...

She doesn't move - 

Dario: Don't narrate her! 

He is angered, inflamed by the narration. He pauses. She does not advance, because what is advancing to a toddler? Aging, perhaps. Does she wish to age, when life promises disgust and horror? 

Dario: Wow, depressed voice dude.  

Not depressed, realistic. Look it up. 

Dario: Realistic...what does that word mean? 

Oh, right, you're unrealistically ugly. Makes sense you wouldn't know realism. Okay, moving on, let's keep advancing this day. 

Dario: Come on! Advance towards me, da- dangerous word. 

  Earthsong: *staring at father's pajamas* 

Dario: Yes! You go! 

 She did things! I'm so proud. Look at the little blue thing, telling us her skill is improving. 

Dario: Little blue thing...where? 

Oh, right, sims can't likely see the skill bars, because humans can't see no skill bars above their heads when they learn to walk, or play chess.  

Dario: Yas! 

Nope. Also, is there a possibility your child will be scarred from staring at your face, because I would be, if you were my father. 

Dario: Well, I ain't ya daddy, got it? I will never be, so don't you worry about scarring your memory, or whatever. 

Thank god you're not my daddy, in any way. I would not appreciate it.  

Dario: In...in any way...oh, yucky! You are a feral-mouthed voice in the sky! 

You used the word 'daddy', Dario. Could have easily said "father" like I did. 

Dario: I don't feel like arguing with ya right now, go pester someone else. 

Okay, will do. Bye bye, cute little bean.  

Meanwhile, during that time, Cassidy had woken up, and now she walks outside, for some unknown purpose. Let's follow her, shall we? 

Cassidy: I have to take a phone call. 

Your...your phone isn't ringing, so...who are you calling? 

*her phone begins to ring* 

Cassidy: I'm psychic, I knew it.  

Oh wow, that's amazing! Tell me your secrets! 

Cassidy: Shush! I'm on the phone! 

Okay, I'll wait here. This could be interesting. 

Cassidy: Hello, this is Cassidy, yes, I married the weird-looking guy, but I love him, and yes, we have a child together - what can I help you with, sir?   

Cassidy: Oh, you don't believe in technology? Well that's a little stupid. Oh, sorry, it's your friend who doesn't...believe in technology. *she pauses, shaking her head* Yeah, I can come down and talk to him for you, it's not my job but I'll do it, for the - no cash, just friendship? Fu- *she interjects herself* Okay, will do. Just send me the address and I'll be on my way. 

Well that's a thrill ride. 

Cassidy: Okay, yeah, the weird consignment store, got it. Your friend will be there, or he is there...oh, yeah, he's there right now, disbelieving in technology and stuff. Okay - yep, I'm on my way, I guess my husband will have to look after Earthsong while I'm gone - and yes, I named my child the same name as my maiden name, God, people are so judgy. It's a great name. I bet you don't even have a wife - oh, you're a widower, oh I'm so sorry...your husband passed away last month, I'm so sorry...

Again, a thrill ride. It's hard to believe I just came up with all of that on the spot. These things don't write themselves, I suppose. 

Cassidy: Okay, goodbye, sir - actually, one last thing: do you think, maybe, you're hoping to convince your friend to believe in...in technology...in case it opens up the opportunity for the two of you to, you know....strike a match? 

*muffled sounds from the other end* 

Cassidy: Oh, I bet he is attractive! You'd be...one lucky man? I suppose he would be the lucky one, once he...believes in technology. 

Wow, this phone call is amazing.  

Cassidy: Yeah, I'm hailing a taxi now....look, it's pretty common in this town for taxis to sense where you are, I'm used to it, and you will be too. *she pauses, listening* I promise I will convince him, and then you can ask him out or whatever...oh, your husband wasn't your husband, but just a boyfriend who broke your heart...oh, your life is wild, sir. Should I really meddle with it? I guess I am. 

I don't know what to say. I'm speechless. 

Dario: Cass! Earthsong needs to use the potty!

Cassidy: Guess the technology stuff will have to wait.  

So, she heads inside to potty-train Earthsong, for that is more important than whatever else is happening in Hidden Springs...

Cassidy: Of course it is! 

Earthsong: *nonsense baby chatter*

Time to continue on with the lives of this wondrous family, as usual... 

  Cassidy: That smell is nasty!

Don't say that near your child! She can hear you! 

Cassidy: And I bet she agrees, because nobody is going to be proud of how their...you know...smells. 

Yeah, I get it. Just...maybe try not to insult your child, in any way. 

Cassidy: I would NEVER insult Earthsong! 

Dario settles into playing chess, yet again. He loves it so much, doesn't he? Can you tell I'm trying to rile him up? Is it working? 
Dario: I thought I told you to pester someone else - 
You did, but I need to check in every now and then, make sure you're still breathing, not slacking off, etc. 
  Dario: Nah, I'm still alive. Yep. 

Earthsong drifts off to sleep once more.

It looks like she just got shot and she's down for the count. "Arrgggh!", she mutters, and yet screaming all at once, "I've been shot! Someone save me!" The sun is setting upon the horizon. Her companions are racing towards her, but gunfire never ceases...they have lost the battle, but, perhaps, not the war...

Dario: Quiet you. 

Someone fires a bullet. It collides - Dario is assassinated. 

Dario: Ya need to be less weird, please.   

Meanwhile...Cassidy has arrived at the location of the friend who doesn't believe in technology, or whatever. 

Cassidy: What does this achieve, exactly? 

You are promised friendship points, I believe. You need this. 

Cassidy: I need friendship points? I sound pathetic. 

You aren't pathetic, you're a wonderful friend to the world.  

Cassidy: Okay, let me think, what shall I say? 

How about: "Oi, little b----, learn about technology, it's real, okay, good?" 

Cassidy: I could do without the sass, and the swearing. 

Okay, you phrase it then, without sounding like you hate the world we live in. Well, really, our worlds are quite different - 

Cassidy: Ain't helping.  

Cassidy: Okay, we're here, let's find this friend...perfect, there's only one person here, must be that guy over there. 

Okay, calm, let's prepare for this perfectly - 

Cassidy: I think I'm good now, actually. 

Are you sure? He...he doesn't believe in technology...

Cassidy: He will now.  

Cassidy: Hello, are you...are you Liam? 

Oh, jeez, that's nice and close.

Liam: Yes, I am, and you are? 

Cassidy: Sorry, sorry, I'm too close. 

Liam: Too close? What an unusual name... 

Cassidy: No, my name is Cassidy, and I have to tell you something really important...your friend, what's his name, has a thing for you, but he told me you don't believe in technology or whatever, so I've come here, with my magical alien persuasion skills - cause I think that's what your friend thinks I have. I've come here to tell you that he actually loves you, and would be so happy if you paid attention to him and, ya know, fell in love with him too. You seriously can't believe technology is fake, or else you're an idiot, and with glasses too. 

Liam: Oh...I, uh, made that up to, uh, hide my feelings for him. 

Cassidy: You fair-skinned people are weird. 

Nicely done, Cassidy. I'm proud. 

Cassidy: Goodbye, Liam. Text me when everything is perfect with the man that called me, I don't think he said his name. *she glances to him* Can I be your maid of honour? Please? 

Liam: Uh...yeah, okay...sure. 

Cassidy: Bingo. Bye, bye. 

Let's go on home now, Cassidy.  

.

 . 

Back at home, the kitchen is littered with plates from the birthday yesterday. But that will not stop Cassidy for eating a slice with the dirty plates in front of her face...
Cassidy: I can clean up afterwards, and then I'm only washing up once, not twice.
I guess that has logic behind it. 
Cassidy: Do you know where Earthsong is?   

Okay, she's outside, out the back. Near the bathroom door, actually. 

Earthsong: *nonsense baby chatter*

She's all good. Bored, probably, but all good. 

Cassidy: Okay, I'm nearly finished this slice of cake, I'll be out there in a minute. 

Are you...are you scoffing down that cake?   

She amused herself until you came outside. She's a darling child, this one. 

[I've missed toddlers in the Sims 3, it's just a wild mess in the Sims 4 for me] 

 Cassidy: What was that last bit, in the parentheses? 

What parentheses? I didn't see any of that. 

Cassidy: Okay, sure. It's time to feed the little one.  

Cassidy: We don't have a highchair, so here's a bottle I plucked from my - 

Okay, yep, I'll buy a highchair, sounds good. 

Earthsong: *nonsense baby chatter*

Cassidy: Here you go, green bean. Yummy! 

[I will say, from the realistic side, being able to breastfeed in the Sims 4 is definitely a positive. Makes for a more realistic game, unlike just constant bottle-feeding 24/7]    

If this image isn't suggestive, I don't know what is. 

Earthsong: *nonsense baby chatter*

 I don't even know what to say, other than...let's move on, shall we? What is big daddy Dario up to? Okay, never saying that again. I think I may have just scarred all of our viewers. I'm going to hell. 

Cassidy: My dear, there is no such thing as Hell. Only the Bad Place. 

That should be trademarked.

Dario is back at it again with the chess table. 

Dario: How do you expect meh to focus if ya keep narrating? 

You have to learn that in life there will always be distractions. You must learn to adapt with them in your ear, or else you will never succeed. Yeah? 

Dario: Yeah, whatever. What's Cassidy up to?  

She just left. 

Dario: And where is Earthsong? 

With her. They're abandoning you...I'm kidding! She's outside, and she's fine. Cassidy is headed somewhere to make friends. 

Dario: You suck. I hate you. 

Completely deserved that. But you won't hate me for long, because I'll be buying you....a highchair for Earthsong! 

Dario: How...how is that for me?   

Cassidy: The park, please. Like, the big one. In town. 

Taxi Woman: *with a Southern accent* Ya, ma'am, it has a name, ya know.

Cassidy: I...I can't remember it anymore. I...I used to call it the Biggy Park. 

Taxi Woman: *glances in the mirror* Oh, ya look a little green there, missus.  

Calm. Don't retaliate by offending her, or calling her out for her skin tone, or accent. Be the better person.

Cassidy: *she coughs* I...I have an infectious, contagious...uh, disease...that...oh *she coughs* pigments my skin...

Taxi Woman: Oh ma lord, the hospital it is!

Cassidy: I'm freaking kidding! I was born like this, woman!

Taxi Woman: Ya'll shan't trick a taxi driver like this! 

Cassidy: *whispering* What are we listing her as in the credits? 

Taxi Woman? Or would Taxi B---- work? 

Cassidy: *whispering* Let's stick with Taxi Woman.  

Taxi Woman: What was that, back there? You're not wired, are ya? 

.

 . 

Earthsong is lonely, it seems. Maybe it is time for her to brave this new whole and set out in search of her own destiny? Nah...she's a toddler! She has many years of care underneath her parents' roof. 

Dario: Where is Earthsong? 

She's here, Dario. Papa, that is. Or do you prefer something else? 

Dario: She will decide. It'll likely be dadda, won't it?   

And she's on the move.

Baby opens doors with her mind! 

Earthsong: *nonsense baby chatter*

If this was real life, that baby would be stuck outside, probably digging up dirt with her little fingernails. You better be glad doors are magical in this land of yours. 

Safely inside. Playing the xylophone now. I want a xylophone. I've never had one. I've played one, maybe once or twice, but I want one, just in my bedroom. Doesn't need to be colourful, just loud enough to irritate people. 

 Earthsong: *nonsense baby chatter*

Yep, I'm glad you agree. We have a lot in common, like our adorableness and our ability to open doors with our mind - that last part is, of course, false on my behalf. I have no telekinetic power. Not that I know of. *winky face*

Dario is still at it with the chess. When's the next big match, dude? 

 Dario: Maybe tomorrow. I want to prep some more. 

Of course, makes sense. I think I would die if you had to play against Genevieve again. That was her name, yes? It's been a year. 

Dario: Uh, yeah...wait, what? It's been...how long? 

A day. Yes? You played her yesterday? 

Dario: Uh...yeah. 

She's so adorable. I don't even know whether we need another child. 

Dario: Better tell Cassidy, she'll be glad - 

Nah, I think Earthsong needs a sibling. Do you think so, little bean? 

Earthsong: *smiling widely*

.

.

With no luck at the central park [the lot wouldn't even load properly, stupid, slow game], I thought, hmm, let's send her someplace else, to find a new friend. So, without further ado...

Cassidy: Why didn't I call a taxi? My feet hurt...

It's literally right behind the park. The walk is nothing. 

Cassidy: I'm pretty sure taxis are free though...  

I sent her to the pool! The lake looks disgusting! [It finally loaded!] 

Cassidy: Okay, I'm inside, but I didn't bring my bathing suit. 

It's packed in your invisible backpack. 

Cassidy: Oh yeah, it is! Thank you, voice in the sky! 

No problem. Is there anyone to meet here?  

Cassidy: *whispering* There's this older woman, with glasses, but she's...she's just staring at the floor, with no emotion. Or...is she hurt? Is she...is she dead? 

Considering she's still standing, probably not, but who knows, maybe you can die and still stay standing, I'm not a medical professional...

Cassidy: *whispering* Oh right, I am. She's not dead. Her chest is moving. I'll go say hi.  

Cassidy: Hello...

Maybe approach her first. 

Cassidy: *whispering* Oh right, I thought I was moving forward, guess not. Well, here goes nothing. 

And so, Cassidy steps towards the older woman, hoping she will be kind, and courteous. Who can know? Shall we find out?  

Cassidy: Whatcha looking at? 

Cassidy...no, maybe not lead with that. 

Cassidy: Hi, my name is Cassidy, I'm just curious what you're staring at down there. Is it a bug, or an small amphibian? 

Maya: .... 

Cassidy: Are we keeping an eye on something, in case it attacks us? 

Maya: ....

Just be casual and polite, Cassidy. Make small talk. Ask her about the weather, or the town events, or something trivial. 

Cassidy: Have you met my toddler? No, you wouldn't have, she hasn't left the house... 

Okay, how about gossip? What's been happening around town? 

Cassidy: Oh yeah, this one guy, forgot his name, he's been cheating on Jenny Lho, I think that's her name. 

Yeah! That's what the notification said! Or, close enough to it. 

  Maya: That isn't something you should be spreading...

Okay, maybe a different topic... 

Cassidy: Have you had a child? It makes you so freaking tired all of the sudden, but then as soon as you fall asleep, someone is annoying you. You get it, right? 
Maya: I never had children...
Cassidy: Sure you did! 
Maya: My husband was always too unhappy. He hates it here. 
Okay, Cassidy, let's head home. 

Back home, Earthsong continue to jam out to the tunes of the rainbow xylophone, while her father, Dario, suddenly craves something else - food. Ah yes, glorious food! I think we have leftovers still [from a year ago] 

Dario: Ya, there'll be leftover waffles, for sure. 

Heck I love waffles. I really want them now. 

Dario: You can't eat these virtual waffles. They be mine.   

Has she hidden them somewhere, or are you hungry for something else? 

Dario: Nah, they be right here in front of me, but that butter...mmm, yes, butter! Gimme, gimme! 

...A man after midnight! Oh, we're not quoting ABBA? Damn. Guess not. 

Dario: What is ABBA? We do not know of that in this land. 

Guess not. Disappointing, they're brilliant.

Yes...waffles! 

Dario: Can ya let me eat in peace, please? 

Oh, fine, I'll move over a little bit so you don't notice me as much. 

Dario: Uh...fine, whatever floats your boat. Tickles your pickle. 

That's such an odd expression. "Tickles your pickle" No thank you. Moving on... 

How's this? 

Dario: *eats his waffles, in silence* 

Enjoy the waffles, Dario. I'll be right back. 

.

.

Back with Cassidy, she is once more boarding the SS Taxi Cab, with our main woman, Taxi Woman. How has she been, you ask? Probably void of emotion. Likely, considering all she does is drive. Boy, I would hate her job. That would be the definition of the gates of Hell. 

Cassidy: Home, please. 

Taxi Woman: *in a Southern accent* And, uh, where is that, missus? 

Cassidy: ...You picked me up from there this morning... 

Taxi Woman: To be fair, green pea, I have many trips during the day, so to remember your house would be slim chance. I mean, I remember how shitty it was, but that's about it. Like, buy a better home, please. 

Cassidy: With what money? 

Taxi Woman: Oh...I assumed you were rich, being an alien - 

Cassidy: I'm not a freaking alien! 

People will not always accept who you are, but those who don't are not important. You are important, Cassidy, no matter the colour of your skin, or the ugliness of your face. You are beautiful, though, I was just using your husband as another example. 

Cassidy: *whispering* Aw, thank you, voice in the sky! 

Taxi Woman: What was that, missy?  

Learn how to drive. It's your freaking job. 

Cassidy: She is kinda horrid, isn't she? 

It looks like she may crash into that light post, just watch out. Be prepared to jump, I suppose. 

  Cassidy: Yeah, I'm prepared to jump. One more skin comment...

Meanwhile, after enjoying his waffles, Dario's phone begins to ring...

Dario: Who is it? 

You tell me. You have to answer it, please. Thank you! 

Dario: Fine, I'll answer it then.  

Thank you, Dario. Let me know who it is.   

He holds the phone to his ear. He listens, and there is a voice, softly whispering into his ear: 

Unknown Caller: Yo, ugly man! Have you magicked your wife into loving you? 

Oh no. What fresh hell is this? 

Unknown Caller: I bet your baby will grow up to be a snout-nosed creature like you! Why are you here?   

How will Dario react? 

Dario: Oi, listen here, ya punkheads. Nobody appreciates your stupid opinion, because it's just an opinion. Ya is an idiot to call me at this time, and ya should go to bed, unless ya want the coppers to come for ya. 

Unknown Caller: *chuckling with someone else* The coppers would arrest you instead, for your hideousness! 

Dario: Ya really wish to test me?  

Dario: I don't care for ya, and I won't let ya affect me, but this will end, you hear meh. If ya call again, I'll get the coppers hot on your trail, and they will not see my face, so they'll have no reason to arrest me, ya idiots. 

Unknown Caller: *sarcastically* Oooh, we're so frightened! 

Dario: Ooh, I'm so peeved by thirteen-year-old boys! 

Yeah, get 'em where it hurts - age. Call them toddlers, do it. 

Tell 'em Earthsong is a better toddler than they are. Do it.  

Dario: How 'bout I talk to ya mother, put her on the phone? 

Unknown Caller: I ain't with my mother at the moment, ugly! She's out snogging some rich, old dude, probably. 

Dario: And why ain't you out snogging some rich, old dude as well? Much better use of your time than hating on a simple father this late at night. 

Unknown Caller: I'm not freaking gay, dude. That's disgusting.

 

 Ooh, he really wants to call the lovely gay community 'disgusting'? Well, I hate him even more. He deserves to rot.

Dario: Well, I have had enough, and I need to pee, so good night, ya looney tunes. 

Unknown Caller: Whatever, dude. Have fun being ugly. 

Dario hangs up. He throws his phone against the wall. 

Dario: I'm gonna go to the bathroom, then check on Earthsong.  

She's still happily playing the xylophone. She's so joyful as she taps the colourful little planks that make sound. 

 Earthsong: *nonsense baby chatter*

You continue to be cute and adorable, little one. Little bean. 

You have a great life ahead of you. Never let someone else stop you from greatness. 

Cassidy is home, but extremely tired. Too tired to kiss her husband goodnight, or even kiss her daughter and tuck her in. She'll rush inside and fall asleep, forgetting the day, hoping for a wonderful day tomorrow - it's Monday tomorrow, yeah? Start of a new week.

Cassidy: Goodnight, voice in the sky. 

Goodnight, Cassidy. Have a great sleep, and sweet dreams, green bean. 

Cassidy: Make sure my husband doesn't forget to rest Earthsong in her crib. 

I'm sure he won't forget. He's just showering now, but he'll care for her after that. You know that. He will always love her.  

Dario: Time for sleepy times, little one. Are ya ready? 

I'd like to think she would answer him with something super adorable, if she could speak to him. Maybe tomorrow she will? 

Dario: How about we rise early and I shall teach ya to talk? 

That seems a little aggressive, but other than that, sounds like a great plan. 

Talking in the morning.  

Dario: Here we go, there we are. All comfy in the crib. 

 Earthsong: *nonsense baby chatter*

I think she says, "Thanks, papa." 

Dario: Goodnight, little bean. Sweet dreams again and again. 

And to you too, papa Dario.  

Don't forget to turn out the light. 

Dario: I've got it. 

You got it? Okay, right there....okay, he forgot to turn out the light...

Dario: Lights are automatic, remember? We had that installed a while ago, yeah? Yeah? 

Yeah, of course, I forgot. As soon as she falls asleep, the light will turn off, correct? Yep.  

Goodnight, little bean.

Goodnight, Earthsong. See you in the morning. 

Another day. Thank you all for waiting like an entire year for the newest update, that is entirely my fault. I can't promise this will be regular, but I will try every now and then to keep you updated with Dario, Cassidy and little, adorable Earthsong. I hope you all have a wonderful day. 

Sincerely, me

- Tiger